


Fuck, but do I love you

by Chezmeralda



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Gang activity, M/M, Prostitution, Smut, Strippers, Tattoos, Will add more tags as I go along, delinquent!au, drug mention, i'm not tagging any of the archive warnings but some of them might be in here, punks and pastels, the makorin/rolic livestream peeps, this might be a darker fic than all of you had expected lol, to you lol, will add more characters as i go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:09:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chezmeralda/pseuds/Chezmeralda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were two things that Rin absolutely knew from his experiences. </p><p>1). Don't trust anyone except yourself.</p><p>2). Don't get attached.</p><p>So that's how Rin lives his life, not trusting anyone, and throwing people away when he doesn't need them anymore. That is until a rainy day, a jacket and a cup of coffee change everything.</p><p>//ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE (focusing on other projects rn)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck, but do I love you

**Author's Note:**

> for the lovely supportive people that always seem to encourage my writing. it'll get better and better with your kind words. i'm hoping you know who you are so i don't have to get more sappy then i already feel ~

Rin is eleven when his father passes away. 

He's a big boy, his father says to him, as he always does when he leaves for work. A big, strong, brave, wonderful boy who will take care of his mother and his little sister as the second man in the family. And who is Rin, as young as he is, to say no to his father? The man he looks up to, the one who reaches things from the shelves and sneaks him cookies before dinner when his mom's not watching. 

The man he always says he's going to be when he grows up. 

It's a normal day for Rin, say bye to his father, get ready for school, holding his sister's hand on the way. They come home, their mom greets them, and all is well.

Until the men in the black suits come in.

Rin doesn't remember much about that day, not that he really tries to, but if there's anything that is burned into his mind forever, it's that he had turned the corner, and his mother had collapsed on the floor.

His father doesn't come home that day.

His mother explains that his father had been in an accident, that he'd drowned just off the coastline while he'd been on the shipping boat, coming in with a morning delivery. He remembers what his father said to him that morning, how he has to be strong, and be the man of the family in place of his father, and he does. Or, he tries. He'll do his father proud, in the only way he knows how. 

Rin is fourteen when he learns his father isn't who he thought he was.

It's a normal day after school, walking home after swim practice, when he finds two sleek, black cars parked in front of his house. His initial excitement turns into confusion when he finds the gate and front door open, and it turns into fear and anger when he sees three large men, dressed in black suits yelling at his mother, who's cowering, hiding his little sister behind her as she shields her daughter with her body.

Rin remembers what had happened that day, with all the clarity he doesn't have to muster, how he'd launched himself at one of the men and had gotten knocked down with a simple shake of his arm, and had gotten kicked in the stomach, before one of them finally steps on his head, to keep him from getting up, and he has to watch, bruised, battered, and tear stained as his mother pleads with them to stop hurting her son, to stop hurting her baby boy.

Rin learns that day that his father used to be one of those men with the black suits, except not _these_ particular men in black suits. He was part of a different group of men in black suits, and that he did something to them, and he payed with his life, but he still owes these men, and his mother can't pay back what he owes them, and she pleads with them to not hurt Rin anymore, to give them time, to not do anything to her kids, they can take her, but Rin hates hearing that desperation in his voice and-

"TAKE ME!" Rin cries, teeth gritting through his choked tears, the pain he feels in his cheeks, throbbing as he feels the man put more weight on his head. "I'm the man of the family! You have nothing to do with my mom and sister!"

One of the men turn around, and Rin's met with a rough hand to his hair and a gaze as cold as steel. It makes Rin want to run away, not that he could even if he tried, the hand gripping his hair so tightly it makes his eyes sting. "We have everything to do with your mom and sister, you little shit," he practically spits in Rin's face, and there's nothing Rin can do about the way he flinches at each word. "If anything, we can use them to get what your little rat of a father owes us, sell them over and over again until they're worthless."

Rin flails and kicks the man's shin, only to be thrown against the coffee table a moment later. Rin wants to puke, to shriek and sob, but he doesn't, too stunned by the numbing pain to really do anything, too shocked by his safe, quiet little world crashing and tumbling down around him.

He yelps and cries when the man digs his heel into Rin's side, and he can hear his mom and sister cry, so he refuses to do it, even though he hasn't stopped crying since the first punch. "How about this, it's either you come with us, or your lovely mom and pretty little sister are never seeing you again," Rin doesn't even get the option to argue, can't even think of a reason to disagree and he nods his head.

"... I'll go with you," he says quietly, and the man holding him down grins, pulling him out of the door, not even giving Rin the chance to spare a glance at his mom and sister.

It might be better that way. Rin doesn't know how strong his resolve actually is.

They don't get very far, as another group stands in front of them. "Step aside, we got here first," the man grips tightly on Rin's shoulder and he has to bite his tongue. It's all he can do to prevent himself from crying out or whimpering.

"The boy is under our ward, you can't initiate him," one man steps forward, and Rin recognizes him as one of the men from That Day. 

"He's coming into the underground. Just like his old man," Rin does flinch at the hard slap, wincing in pain at his shoulder as it gets squeezed. He looks up at the other man, tall, grey in the face with age, years in his eyes and Rin doesn't know what to think of the sad way he's staring at him for.

"You don't own him, Yamada," the elderly man steps forward with his cane, brass knob sparkling in the sun, and Rin can make out the weathered marks of a dragon, fist curled tightly around a jewel. "He's ours. His father was our kin, therefore the boy is ours."

The man that's still got his hold on Rin pulls him back, hand under Rin's jaw and Rin feels a cold press of metal on his temple. He doesn't even have the sense of mind to feel fear. "Step closer, Fujimoto, and this boy gets a lovely knew hole in his head," Yamada, the man holding Rin, says, voice low, threatening. Rin just looks at the old man, Fujimoto, through tear stricken eyes.

Fujimoto watches Rin for a moment, as if weighing options, and Rin felt like he was standing before God, before Judgement, waiting to hear his fate. "Yamada," Fujimoto's voice is steady, unwavering, calm despite the fact that he could be very close to witnessing Rin's brains spill on the concrete. "Strike a deal with me."

"Give me your conditions," Yamada's voice is low, distrusting.

"He comes with us," Fujimoto steps forward, closing the distance, hand on the jewel over the dragon's claw, and Rin's heart is racing, because he doesn't know what's going on. "But he'll work for you and pay off the debt. He should be under our protection."

"Won't he be part of the underground with you anyway?" Yamada's hold on Rin loosens. and Rin feels small hope. But it's small, and almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Fujimoto shakes his head. "No, he won't be part of us," Rin looks up at Fujimoto, who is regarding him with a closed expression. All Rin can think of is his father, who had known this guy, and how all of this isn't turning out to be how he wants.

At fourteen, Rin gets his first tattoo, a phoenix carrying a wolf carcass on his left shoulder. 

He learns quickly to lose his childish pride, to forget about innocence and happiness and dreams of swimming in the Olympics.

"You have to learn faster," Fujimoto strikes Rin across the face with the knob of his cane. "You will never survive if you continue to fight in this world. Just accept, submit, and wait. Only the strong have the power to wait for opportunity, then strike."

Rin stumbles back and glares at Fujimoto, back hitting against the wall. He spits the blood that stains his mouth and wipes his lips with the back of his hand, standing up again. Fujimoto arcs an eyebrow at him before striking his knees, effectively forcing Rin to bend. His hair is grabbed and a moment later he feels the knob of the old man's cane enter his mouth, effectively gagging him and he wretches. "Until you get used to that feeling, you will never be of use in this world. This," and Rin chokes as Fujimoto shoves the end of the cane as far into his mouth as it'll go before he pulls back, coughing and he heaves hard, throwing up dry as he clutches his stomach, eyes tearing up as he tries to regain control of his body, "is all you're good for."

At fifteen, he learns about swindling money from people. And running.

He remembers the first time he gets caught, he was left beaten in the alley. Rin can't remember how he manages to stay alive, he thinks he's dislocated a shoulder, but someone who's the same rank as him puts his shoulder back in place, letting Rin bite on a whiskey soaked shirt to numb the pain. 

"Learn to run fast, and they'll never catch you, no matter how bad the situation," he advises. Rin sees another guy nod in agreement.

"Run fast, and never look back, then you're never wrong. But," and Rin can smell the essence of tobacco on his breath, can almost taste it, "never think that once you've stopped running you're safe. The moment you begin to run, you're running for the rest of your life, you hear?"

Rin learns that when he finds out that those two were killed in an alleyway not a week later. He ends up taking over their jobs, hiding stashes for purchasers. "Never get addicted to your product, kid. You'll ruin yourself," is what his provider tells him, pointing at people on the street that look as if they'd beg Death to take them, if Death even gave them the time of day.

"Kid," a man with a trench coat hands him wads of cash. "I found your stash behind the dumpster. This is the fee, now get out before I have to shoot you." Rin learns not to ask questions.

At sixteen, Rin learns about sex, and stress release. The money he makes from accepting people's desires is his to use, and he gets his ears pierced. 

"You have a pretty face, young man," a woman calls to him from the corner of the street. "What do you say about taking some jobs I get here?"

'On your knees' is one he hears a lot. That's all they really want from him anyway, at least for a while. 

"Your pretty face will get you lots of money, honey," the woman tells him as she counts his collection. "You'll always have a job available here if you're running low on finances."

At seventeen, Fujimoto tells him that he's managed to pay off what his father owed, and that he should go home. But how can he go home, sullied and broken? When his mother and sister are still clean, still pure, untouched by the sickness that got his father, that now has him?

He goes to the woman and asks for an apartment. "You can have it, darling," she drawls through a puff of smoke, inhaling a long drag on her cigarette, "on one condition. You take in customers there. Give me ten percent of your earnings, and the apartment is as good as yours."

At seventeen, Rin's not a virgin anymore. Loses it to three people in one night. But he has a house, and is independent. He drops out of school, because who needs that, when he's already smart in other areas.

He comes home one day to one of Mother's girls (she insists that everyone under her ward call her Mother, though Rin feels she's as far from his mom as she could possibly be) trying to steal some of his alcohol and open his safe for his cash.

"You already have everything, you're Mother's favourite," her words are full of spite as she stumbles, having already finished half a bottle. "You're such a spoiled ass brat, I bet you fuck Mother every weekend just to keep this place."

He slaps her across the face, and leaves the house.

At eighteen, he learns how to fight. As in, really fight, with broken glass and wrapped knuckles. He fights in street brawls, with bets and drugs being passed around him, and wins. He gets enough for a new apartment. It's dingy, and not as nice as his first one, but it's enough. 

His pretty face makes him the underdog, the 'uptown pretty ass punk' that needs to 'go home to the suburbs'. Rin shows them by breaking someone's jaw, and cracking another guy's nose. 

But he does have dreams of home, of days after school with fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and arguing with his sister over what manga genre is better, shounen or shoujo.

He tries to go home to visit his family one day, hoping somehow, some way, his mom might still love him, and not look at him like he's dirtied. Except when he gets there, the house has been sold, empty.

He has no hint of where they've gone.

At eighteen he learns he's alone. 

Rin throws himself into giving people satisfaction, going to bars and doing shady work for the owners. He covers himself with tattoos, of dragons, koi, sharks, phoenixes, full of ferocity and anger. Except for one place.

On his neck is one cherry blossom branch, dying, but in full bloom.

It's the only thing Rin clings on to, as he sinks deeper and deeper into a Hell he created for himself. Waking up every morning with a different naked body in his bed, they blur together after a while, walking out on the street with eyes that challenge, that dare anyone to get in his way, sitting in bars that don't check his age because he does their dirty work, covers his hands in blood that should be staining them, but they refuse to touch it, not when Rin is grovelling for money.

The landlord kicks him out of his apartment at nineteen, saying that his activity could be harmful to his establishment. 

It's cold out in the street, but Rin thinks it's better that way. He can rent a motel room for cheap, and he doesn't have to clean up after his customers. 

He sleeps in parks, on the sidewalk, in train stations. Rin lucks out during winter and finds abandoned temples to sleep in. He prefers the temples to anything, because they're quiet. He can't hear the voices that chase him when he walks the pavement.

And when spring comes, he gets to see the cherry blossoms without interruption. It's the only think he holds on to.

Since that day when he was whisked away from his home, away from childhood dreams and comfort, Rin's learned two important things in his life. The first is to not trust anyone, no matter how much they say that they can be trusted, Rin knows that it's all lies. Every single word out of their mouth is lies, and will be lies, and it's best not to bother.

The second thing he learned is to never grow attached. Attachment means he's weak, he has something that can hurt him, and Rin never wants anyone to hurt him ever again.

Rin's got life pretty figured out, he thinks, as he sits on the corner, under an awning to avoid the rain. It's cold rain, hints of ice in each droplet as the seasons begin to turn. He'd just come back from a customer, pocket heavy with a thick roll of bills. He can go eat at the barbecue place, but it's so cold, and if he's soaked through they won't let him in, the assholes.

He sees from the corner of his eye a small cat sitting underneath the fruit stand, and he sighs. He's seen small kittens like this one get abandoned by their mother. It'll meet a tragic but inevitable end, getting too cold from the weather to live to adulthood. 

Rin had thought before that he had been like that once, but he managed to survive anyway.

"Oh, hello," his head snaps up when he sees someone lean down to peer under the fruit stand, startling the kitten. "Is the cat yours?"

Rin looks at the stranger, eyes greener than grass in the summer, and he's stunned by them, but not impressed with his idiotic question. "Does it look like I'd keep a cat?" he snaps, shifting on the balls of his feet in his crouch.

The stranger just smiles, bright and sunny, and Rin thinks for a moment how it could fool the rain and cut through it. "Right, okay. I was just checking," he replies, tone lilting, airy, and Rin doesn't know why he thinks of the summer breeze that blows the cherry blossoms off their branches. "Are you cold, kitty? It's okay, I won't hurt you."

Rin watches from the corner of his eye as the kitten goes to sniff the large hand that beckons to it, before scratching it and backing away. Rin scoffs out a laugh, the idiot should know better, but the man with green eyes beckons to the kitten still, calm, not the least bit mad that the kitten lashed out at him. "You're just scared, aren't you? Poor thing, it's okay. I can keep you warm, I promise."

Rin sees the kitten amble up to the Green Eye's hand again, before curling its face into his palm and rubbing. The man picks up the kitten and holds it gently. "I'll get you home, I promise," he murmurs quietly, holding the cat close to his chest.

"Wow," Rin sounds disbelieving. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" 

Green Eye blinks at him before smiling. "Ah, I don't know about that..." voice trailing off as he watches the rain. Rin sees the kitten begin to fall asleep in Green Eye's palm, looking more calm than it had before. The silence rings between them as they watch the rain.

Rin's eyes feel heavy. He realizes that he might have been more tired from his jobs last night than he'd expected, he can feel his head nodding off. His eyes snap open when he feels something heavy, warm, smelling like oranges weigh his shoulders. "What do you think you're doing?" he barks, staring at Green Eye laying his coat over Rin's shoulders.

"You look like you're cold," was all he said. 

"I don't need you to take care of me," Rin retorts. Green Eye shrugs at him helplessly.

"Then you can throw the jacket away after, but I wouldn't want you to get cold." Rin blinks at him. Who in the world says things like that to a stranger?

"You're creepy," Rin side eyes him, taking the jacket off and throwing it to the side. Green Eye can get it for himself after. 

But Rin's startled by a paper cup being held up to him. "Here, I only took a sip. It's still full," Green Eye's voice is gentle. Rin eyes the cup of coffee, before glaring at him.

"I don't need your sympathy," his voice is cold, angry. Who does this guy think he is?

Green Eye holds the coffee cup to him for a moment more, before setting it down next to Rin. "It was nice talking to you," Green Eye smiles at him a final time before covering the kitten and running out in the rain. 'What a fucking liar,' Rin thinks as he watches the guy go. He kicks over the cup of coffee, watching its contents spill from the top. It had been full, just like Green Eye had said, and Rin clicks his tongue, sparing one glance at the abandoned jacket before leaving.

'What an idiot,' he thinks, staring at the coat that's hidden behind the trashcan that he threw it near. 'Didn't even get his jacket. How stupid.'

Rin walks away from the jacket, bothered by the stranger's stupidity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally after years this first chapter for the delinquents au is up except it's not even like the 'cute fluff gross rin you useless homosexual' part it's a lot of angsty backstory I'M SOOOOOOOORRRYYYYYYYYYYY
> 
> EDIT 3/10/15
> 
> LOL I POSTED INSTEAD IF PRESSING EDIT SO THAT CHAPTER IS A BIT SHORTER THAN HOW I WANTED BECAUSE I PANICKED

**Author's Note:**

> fight me @ childofcolour (don't actually fight me i'm 12)


End file.
